Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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