I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
