he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
