he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
