I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
