if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
