you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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