what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They took my balls.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
