is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Congratulations! We have a period
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