On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
