Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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