i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
