I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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