We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
