Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
