we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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