My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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