she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
