Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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