The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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