I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize