sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the doctor said was why
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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