If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
