I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
