I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
