I wanna bring you to show and tell
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
