Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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