There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
