i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
