Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
