Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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