I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
