i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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