Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize