those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
