At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sorry about my life...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
