i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
