I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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