Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
