I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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