I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
last night I used snow as a chaser
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