Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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