Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
