go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
