Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
