Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize