Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
