Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
