Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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