at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
