why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
