mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
