She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
