so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
