now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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