I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
