after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
