she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
