He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
