Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?

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(631): Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later? http://tfl.nu/fnnu

Replies (13) Good night (1869) Bad night (525)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?

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(704): I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this? http://tfl.nu/q6uf

Replies (44) Good night (6357) Bad night (692)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy

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(608): the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy <3's balls" is written in sharpie across my forehead http://tfl.nu/cffy

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(310): View more from California

my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.

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(310): my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/1ci0

Replies (57) Good night (2378) Bad night (6743)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.

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(201): I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot. http://tfl.nu/7j37

Replies (13) Good night (6310) Bad night (776)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.

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(865): Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/7i54

Replies (18) Good night (11195) Bad night (914)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.

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(724): i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that. http://tfl.nu/tj9k

Replies (6) Good night (5536) Bad night (778)
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(303): View more from Colorado

The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened

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(303): The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened http://tfl.nu/m273

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(416): View more from Toronto

drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.

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(416): drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets. http://tfl.nu/drct

Replies (7) Good night (3273) Bad night (735)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.

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(978): I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters. http://tfl.nu/m77a

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(949): View more from California

Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?

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(949): Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween? http://tfl.nu/23ri

Replies (8) Good night (2985) Bad night (553)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.

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(412): About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits. http://tfl.nu/4vnm

Replies (7) Good night (2722) Bad night (492)
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(913): View more from Kansas

She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?

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(913): She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car? http://tfl.nu/qi3u

Replies (13) Good night (1243) Bad night (469)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Sooooo, no second date?

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(860): He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store. (508): Sooooo, no second date? http://tfl.nu/ghyh

Replies (5) Good night (219) Bad night (617)
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(530): View more from California

I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "

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(530): I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. " http://tfl.nu/24zo

Replies (5) Good night (578) Bad night (180)

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