my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
