I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.