legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.