He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.