I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
