It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
