I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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