Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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