Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
