Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
