Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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