dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
