She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
