I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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